Sunday, January 08, 2012
Saturday, January 07, 2012
But in the interest of actually having 2012 be different from 2011 (and 2010 and 2009...you get the idea), I WOULD like to make a few changes in my life. Accomplish something. Do something. So here is my wishlist for 2012. I think ten is reasonable, so boom:
- Quit smoking, for crying out loud. Not only is it reallyreallyREALLY expensive (and also kinda gross, I KNOW), I am basically limiting almost everything in my life for this one vice. A pack-a-day vice, which makes me sound like an aging classic rock singer or a trucker. It makes me spend way to o much money for paper and dried up plant. It makes my lungs hurt. It makes me gaspy and coughy. Not sure the way to go, though. Due to other medications, chantix seems like it might not be for me. e-cigarettes = more smoking. The patch gives me weird dreams. The gum tastes like shit. Oh, shit. I'm talking myself out of it already. For realsies. I'm going to throw-down like the detox scene in Trainspotting. Except for the suppositories and toilet diving.
- Move that ass. Due to my crazy-ass smoking, exercise has been out of the picture for over a year. I've gained weight, which I hate so much, since I was not exactly a skinny girl to begin with. I wanna climb stairs without feeling like I'm going to die.
- It's all about the Benjamins I seriously have to concentrate on saving in 2012, especially for reason #4. I plan to do this two-fold: get a 401K plan started at work (yes I KNOW it's insane that I don't have one.) and put away as much as I can a paycheck. I need some cushion in case, oh, I don't know, my insanely effed up car decides to shit the bed for good.
- MOVE OUT After 9 years of living on my own, I had some issues that landed me back with my parents. That was November 2010. I need my own place. Preferably in-town, two-bedroom, accepts a dog and two cats, including heat, hot water and snow removal. Also must not be ghetto or directly next door to a KSC frat house. Big windows and walking distance to work a plus. Walking distance to bars a plus plus.
- Read more. Like, a lot more Remember how I said I couldn't finish a book? Yeah, it's EPIC. I have total book ADD (I blame NPR and Huffington Post. Also Oprah--I can't help it. That bitch knows EVERYTHING.) My goal is to read one a week. My brain needs the exercise. Today I started 'The Tiger's Wife' by Tea Obreht.
- Spend more time with my family. So it may seem counterproductive to want to move away from my family but also be closer to them, but I have good reason to want this. Last month, a family member was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and was given days to live. It may seem dramatic, but seeing all my aunts that I haven't seen in years has made me want to be closer to my sister, my brother, my parents, my grandmother. It's all about making the effort. You never know what will happen. And it's never too late.
- Get crafty Learn to crochet. Learn to knit. Sew my own curtains. Anything but scrapbook. If you see me near a Cricut, I give you permission to smack a bitch.
- Get a tattoo. Yeah. So. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want one.
- Get my passport stamped, damn it. I didn't travel in 2011 and my passport is totally pouting about it. Amsterdam, Scandinavia, Columbia, Prague (again?), India? Anywhere but here, yo. I need to move about this world. I get nervous when I haven't been completely cursed out in a foreign language after awhile. Canada counts, too. I've never been to Montreal. Would love to hit up the West Coast and see San Francisco or Seattle. Or Portland. Or anywhere.
- Fall in love. 'Nuff said. I know you can't force it but I'm doing the work, kissing the frogs and keeping my fingers crossed.
Let's just start where I wanna start. I like music. I like photography. I like food. I like my dog.
Sometimes I will post about music I'm listening to. Sometimes I will post pretty pictures. Sometimes I will rant.
Sometimes I'll keep it all in my head. But this space is here. That's what's important.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
It started at the old mental hospital in Concord.
Walking around and around. Knocking on doors. Peering in windows.
I just wanted to get in.
Alas, everything happens for a reason.
We got in the car and drove north. Out of Concord. Into the country. Through a cemetery or two. Because I like cemeteries.
We drove past a road that said "Webster Cemetery". I made a quick U-turn because, you know, I like cemeteries.
Drove past three large, abandoned, open brick buildings. Drove past the birthplace of Daniel Webster.
Wondered who the hell Daniel Webster was.
Drove through a corn field.
Came back to the buildings.
Ultimately gathered it all up and asked if I could go inside one of the buildings.
Said "I'm a photographer".
Additionally, Sufjan Stevens was on Austin City Limits last night. I've been watching it on a loop. Where did he come from? He has got such a gift.
Sufjan Stevens - Casimir Pulaski Day
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
"In the tower above the earth,
There is a view that reaches far
Where we see the universe,
I see the fire, I see the end.
Seven miles above the earth,
There is Emmanuel of mothers.
With his sward, with his robe,
He comes dividing man from brothers.
In the tower above the earth, we built it for Emmanuel.
In the powers of the earth, we wait until it rips and rips.
In the tower above the earth, we built it for Emmanuel.
Oh my mother, she betrayed us, but my father loved and bathed us.
Still I go to the deepest grave,
Where I go to sleep alone."
Yeah, OKAY, Sufjy. Whatever. You must be making enough for some kind of therapy at this point.
The reason I was sitting alone in my car is because I had recently made a phone call to an old friend and was sitting in the parking lot to see if I would get a response.
Here's the thing...this old friend of mine, I haven't spoken to him since May. So that's about 8 months. This person is also my oldest friend (well, not oldest age wise, that would be Nickolas (ha ha cheap shot), but oldest as in longest.) and I've known him since I was 15.
Ah, what does it matter, anyway? People come in and out of our lives like the breeze. There are those who stay and those who go. There are those who stay for a while and then those who are as fleeting as a breath. It's not a choice thing.
I'm tired of the being angry. I know that it won't be the same but what ever IS the same, really? And is being the same good?
So I sat. Listening to that Sufjan song and glancing up at the windows above me.
I didn't get an answer.
Perhaps I don't deserve one. I know I have been a shit in my life. But there is shittiness on both sides. But I want to put all that shit behind me. And start on some new shit. Start a whole new shitty book and shitty times and good times.
Because that is life.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
currently loving: solitude, the thought of sleep, Spoon's 'Gimmie Fiction'.
currently wishing: I lived in the 60's, had a little more money, was somewhere warm and beautiful that smells like incense and flowers
currently feeling: poor, anxious for my tax return, nervous about money
Almost finished with 'Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim'. Looking to read Prime Green: Remembering the Sixties by Robert Stone, maybe some stuff by Tom Wolff.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
And here's the what. I have become increasingly aware over the past, well, three years that there are bands out there that basically exist under the horizon line, never bobbing up onto the the surface, happy blowing bubbles under the water of near-obscurity.
I like these bands. I like the indie-don't-give-shit-we'll-put-out-our-own-record-and-tour-in-my-mom's-van attitude. I want to keep them in my pocket. I want them to stay small and not want to get famous and tour tiny little venues and shhh...just don't go on TRL, promise. And when they do get big, I kind of back away going "Who the HELL are you?" Ah, Coldplay. They broke my heart. They could've been SMALL, I tell you! They could've just remained on that slow-mo, out of focus Yellow beach forever. Ok, Rush of Blood to Head kicked ASS. But that started their rapid, steady decline into Crapdom. They could've been great.
But I digress...
I think this is why I like Wilco, Spoon, Neko Case and some others so much. Wilco has existed for SO long and they've only had one "major" hit, which was 'Box Full of Letters' which hit the charts when I was effing high school, for Christ's sake. These bands seem to exist in my head, my own private orchestra, full of emotion and hidden meaning. Listening makes me feel better. It makes me think and dance and write and sing. I feel lucky to have them, knowing I'll NEVER have to make choice between listening to Fergie's new album or that great new P Diddy single. God, it makes me want to put my head through a plate glass window, it really does. It's almost unbearable. Ugh.
Music is important to me. It's a tangible memory. It's a memory I can listen to.
Playlist from this evening (as you can see, the Zune shuffle can be a bit weird)
Mer Girl, Madonna
29, Ryan Adams
Believe, Gus Gus
Polybackwards, Gus Gus
Nature is the Law, Richard Ashcroft
Small Stakes, Spoon
The Two Sides of Monsieru Valentine, Spoon ("Every morning, I've got a new chance.")
They're Winning, the Walkmen
Kicking Television (live), Wilco
Blues Die Hard, Uncle Tupelo
Year of Our Lord, Sufjan Stevens
Heaven, the Talking Heads
My Mathematical Mind, Spoon (possibly one of my favorite songs...Britt Daniel has one of the voices, man.)
Death of a Disco Dancer, the Smiths
God Put a Smile Upon Your Face, Coldplay
Love is the New Feel Awful, the Dandy Warhols
Monday, January 01, 2007
I LOVE IFC. I love their stuff, I love the movies they play. It's like PBS with a middle finger. There's a new movie coming out, done in the style of 1940's film noir called "The Good German". It's going to be Cate Blanchett's year, I think. I hope it comes to the Colonial.
It's a dark, rainy New Year's day. I've got to go to my parents to do laundry at some point. Ugh. My brain is all foggy. I'm getting old.