sufjan has daddy issues, and other boys I don't understand

While I was sitting alone in my car tonight, my Zune (which is partially intuitive, of course. Not like those damn iPods.) decided to play 'Seer's Tower' by Sufjan Stevens. He is amazing but he has issues. Daddy issues. 'Illinoise' is ripe with them. The lyrics to Seer's tower go:

"In the tower above the earth,
There is a view that reaches far
Where we see the universe,
I see the fire, I see the end.

Seven miles above the earth,
There is Emmanuel of mothers.
With his sward, with his robe,
He comes dividing man from brothers.

In the tower above the earth, we built it for Emmanuel.
In the powers of the earth, we wait until it rips and rips.
In the tower above the earth, we built it for Emmanuel.
Oh my mother, she betrayed us, but my father loved and bathed us.

Still I go to the deepest grave,
Where I go to sleep alone."

Yeah, OKAY, Sufjy. Whatever. You must be making enough for some kind of therapy at this point.

The reason I was sitting alone in my car is because I had recently made a phone call to an old friend and was sitting in the parking lot to see if I would get a response.

Here's the thing...this old friend of mine, I haven't spoken to him since May. So that's about 8 months. This person is also my oldest friend (well, not oldest age wise, that would be Nickolas (ha ha cheap shot), but oldest as in longest.) and I've known him since I was 15.

Ah, what does it matter, anyway? People come in and out of our lives like the breeze. There are those who stay and those who go. There are those who stay for a while and then those who are as fleeting as a breath. It's not a choice thing.

I'm tired of the being angry. I know that it won't be the same but what ever IS the same, really? And is being the same good?

So I sat. Listening to that Sufjan song and glancing up at the windows above me.

I didn't get an answer.

Perhaps I don't deserve one. I know I have been a shit in my life. But there is shittiness on both sides. But I want to put all that shit behind me. And start on some new shit. Start a whole new shitty book and shitty times and good times.

Because that is life.